Transition

Transition. The way I see it, you can handle it two ways. You can ride it out and try to be effected by it as little as possible, or you can allow it to refine you and change you.

Here we are, right smag dab in the middle of transition. It can be scary, sad, exciting, and overwhelming all at the same time. My mind tends to make a mental list of all the things that could go wrong, or cause pain to my family or those around me, but in the middle of it I find the stability of my Savior. In middle of my but what if's, but have You seen....., but do You know.....conversation with God, I encounter this.


Ephesians 3: 14-21

14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

 I feel God telling me, Don't follow if you don't believe I am in the middle of this. Just stay where you are if you don't believe I can change and move in you and in those around you. So while we are leaving something that is treasured and beautiful, I am so excited to see how God moves in immeasurable ways. I believe it's going to happen.

When God Answers

    Happy 2014! What a blessed year 2013 was. I have been joining in on the devotional She Reads Truth, and I felt compelled to be more mindful of how God has moved and is moving.

    While I know that God is constantly moving and changing us, there are always those instances where I can look back and see that God had his hand in guiding my life. Recently, God answered a prayer that I still am unsure how it all unfolded. It is when I am standing in the middle of an answered prayer, that I am fully and completely aware of the Goodness of my Savior.

My husband and I recently welcomed our first born into this world. My precious son has also been a source of opening my eyes to so many things. Motherhood has changed me. I am learning each day a new kind of love. This baby boy bring joy and laughs and frustration and tears all at the same time. It's wonderful. He is wonderful.

I digress... :)...but seriously I just love this little man.

As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom and with that I wanted to be able to stay at home with my babies.  Years went by and I married a youth pastor, and well folks while that has it's many rewards, a big pay check isn't one of them :). I had pretty much lost hope that my desire to stay home would become a reality. I really struggled even before we seriously started talking about having kids with that fact that I had such a passion for being a mother but it seemed to conflict with my reality. The next years of tears and worries, and sharing those worries to my friends and family that followed leave me somewhat embarrased  humbled. While I felt that this desire came from God, I was unsure if He truly had them in his plans for me. 

As we started to plan for our family, we decided to pray that along with blessing us with a baby, he would allow me to stay home. We prayed that God would not give us baby until it was possible for me to stay home. I look back on that now and know that I was praying that nightly with my husband but still doubting it would ever come to be. That was a time in our marriage where we made it a point to pray together. I have to wonder if that wasn't a big reason why I am writing this post today.

Long story post ( yes I know this is already a long post), He made it happen people. Just weeks before I was to go to work, God provided an opportunity for me to extend my leave and take the rest of the year off.  I treasure this season. Yes, because I have this extra time with my son, but more so because there is no doubt in my mind God is in this. In my humanness, I looked at the facts on paper and was sure working outside the home was always in the cards for me. Whether God heard my desires to stay home, or he put those desires in my heart, I am still unsure. But I sit here and continue to shake my head at God's Provision.  

He listens...He knows best....He Answers 

  

On my mind and heart

I am not sure where this post will go, or if I will end up publishing it. My thoughts are everywhere right now. It is turning into FALL weather, and this makes my heart happy. There is something so comforting/cozy about Fall. I just finished taking a long walk with the pup (his favorite thing in this life). There was just a hint of chill in the air but I am in love. It was good for me to get out, to take some time to think and process and decompress.

The school year is back in full swing, and therefore so is my emotions and stress level. I love my students. I really do have a fun crew this year. Teaching definitely has it's ups and downs. There is many a day that I long for June. Working full time makes me absolutely relish in the days that  I have a  chunk of time to piddle around my house and believe it or not...clean. So weird right? Never thought I would be like that (my mom could attest to this) , but when I am feeling overwhelmed, one of the best ways for me to recharge is to have a day to myself piddling around catching up on laundry, straightening up the clutter from the busy week and sitting down to the smells of a clean house. (release deep sigh here). My home is my safe haven. My husband is my sanity. He has been so good to me as I adjust getting back into the swing of things.

I continue to work on being fully conscious of God's leading throughout my day. Right now, I feel like I am leaning on Him pretty heavily but still digging my heals in, in some areas. So much seems up in the air right now. With uncertainty comes doubt, and a "whoa -is -me" mentality. I am making it a point to have an ongoing honest conversation with Him throughout the day. I find myself repeating "Whatever is true, whatever is true, whatever is true"....to keep myself from allowing my mind to wander in thoughts that are not of Him. I know He's here. I know He's close. I don't know what in the world he is conjuring up, but I am thankful for the time I had tonight talking with Him on our walk tonight. Here's to taking deep breaths, letting the fresh chilly air in, and enjoying my first hot chocolate of the season.

Whole lot o' rambling...Happy Fall ya'll.

Longing for Sleepless Nights

So confession... number one is obviously I am not a blogger. April, Really?

Number two: That may be because the reason I created this blog was in hopes of recording our journey into parenthood. No such luck this far.

Confession number three: I am NOT good at waiting.

I am daily learning to lean upon the plan God has for our lives. God has not yet given me a reason to give up the wish of becoming parents, but here we are months and months and still  waiting...

There are days that I am very much at peace with this. Like I said, I know God has a plan, and ultimately in my heart I don't want this whole parenthood thing to start a second before God wills it to do so, but there is another corner of my heart that longs to be a mama.

Babies are everywhere! Hubby and I are in that season of our lives where our friends are bringing one bundle after another into our world. I am beyond happy for all of them. I thoroughly enjoy loving on these babies and watching them grow. I also am longing for nights of my own of getting no sleep because my baby needs to be fed, or cuddled (which if you know how much I love sleep, you know how crazy of a statement this is for me). I am longing for days to plan, and worry pray over , and love on a child that God blesses us with.

Right now, I am counting my blessings that God has given me. I refuse to not live the life I have now, waiting for a baby. Let me tell you, that is so easy to do. To become so focused at planning for a child and let life fly right by. I know we are in this waiting  season for a reason. So until then I keep praying for God's Will, and to be okay and happy in that Will whatever that might be.



Just to save this post from being a downer. I leave you with a few of my blessings.

My Love

My current baby :)

Am I a blogger?

..... I really have no idea. I am sure that I do not live an out of the ordinary life. Certainly not a life that many will flock to read about, but that is okay with me. If anything I wanted to do this to have a record of my journey. While my life may not be out of the ordinary, I feel like I am blessed with more than I can ever ask for. My days and weeks go quickly, and the seasons of life change. I want a way to "capture" these seasons, I guess.


So on to the blog name. While I anticipate the name/meaning behind this blog might take on many different meanings, for now it speaks of my search of peace in a not so peaceful world. To me, sleep is the ultimate form of peace. I LOVE sleep. I am one of those people that could still sleep 10 straight hours if I let myself. Yet, the busyness of life does not leave that time. There is always something requiring our attention.
I have been loving the song " Blessings" by Laura Story. It talks about finding God's blessings and plan in trials. One of my favorite lyrics in that song says...      
                                   
           ''  .... what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near..''

I pray that I will be so sensitive to my Father's callings that I will have a thousand sleepless nights if I stray too far from Him. And oh do I stray. I am learning that life has it's struggles, but in that there is always joy. I want to choose joy.....even if it means a little less sleep :).